never felt so -- after church.

naihi shinsho; ONE OK ROCK

No, really, I'm starting to slowly float away from listening to J-Pop all the time. *clings to w-inds.* REALLY I AM.

I served at Church today; 7:00 mass since we didn't go this morning. First time in 5 years that I actually served with an all-girl team...thing. Naz was there; her new curly hair is just so cute. Father Larry was presiding, I love it when he does. So, many, many technical difficulties during the mass. It was a "somber" one, much like the 7:30 AM masses. No music, yeah. Then the microphone for the readings wasn't working, and he ended up talking for the whole first half (or really, most) of the mass. He talks awfully loud; especially hurt because I was holding the book for him. As usual, I love his homilies; he reminded us to introduce ourselves to the people near us during the part of the mass where we say peace.

I went home feeling somewhat refreshed. So strange, really.

Oh, I cleaned out our refrigerator. I took an hour that I could have been doing work or something, and all the food is downstairs in the other refrigerator. I don't want to have to walk downstairs in the mornings to get food to eat or something. I'm lazy. However, the water cooler, mini fridge, and microwave are in front of my room. Haha~! I'm going to miss the old kitchen. I remember when I used to sit in the cupboard and play with the rice container. (Yes, i was that small and that easily amused. Still am easily amused~)

My mom called me anti-social the other day. How true is that?

I think I need a haircut. I want to grow my hair long, but still. It looks flat.

I'm almost done with this essay for archaeology. I'm just wishing, praying that I can start my mosaic before I sleep a few hours after midnight. Same, maybe, 2 AM? I'm losing more and more sleep each week. Anyway, I finished the three research papers and am working on essays galore. My eyes are getting awfully heavy. Ugh.

Ah, hey what? Keita has a live talk tomorrow? And uh, does he know english now? Because I just find that very amusing. His english on his blog is good.

I should get back to work now, though I feel that I have more to say. I always seem to say that, don't I?

i ordered a day of relaxation:

meaning of tears; CHEMISTRY

I wanted a weekend to myself again. Too much work, and yes, I'll go on complaining again, bite me. I have three more research papers to do (not too much, but I'm the kind of person that shoves effort into everything), an essay for my archaeology test, and mosaic. I'll multitask, but that being said, I shouldn't even be online right now.

The sun keeps coming in through the windows every few minutes, it's really nice. A change from being in my room, as usual. I'll start on all this work sometime.

I really shouldn't have slept all Friday night. I need a break from life. Monday's tomorrow, how exciting. My life's taken a monotonous turn, and every week seems like the same as the last.

Drag me out?

with the intent of studying, she...

friend; tachibana keita

I really, honestly love this song.

Know what? I should be studying Japanese and how to identify archaeological decays, but I could care less at the moment. I'm relaxing in front of the computer, and I'm fine. It's midnight. Yosh.

My report card was fine. A few averages sunk a bit, but all A+s except for the usual two, Gym with a consistent 95, and Global History, a nice 90. I feel bad about the 90. He's trying to fail me, and I'll persevere, I hope. Came out triumphant with a justified check-plus for the outline he accused me of copying.

I feel like I have a pile of work that weighs a few tons in my room, and it won't be gone for a while. I really need a break, I feel like I'm going to burst one day or another. Why does it seem like I have so much crap to do?

I actually did well in piano today. A change, for once. I was playing Chopin's Nocturne, and I lost myself in the song. I kept messing up for the rest of the lesson. But hey, that doesn't deserve any merit, really. It was the 'simplified' version of the song. Oh well.

I think I should be off to sleep soon. I'm almost caught up, and kind of recovered from my iPod saying it was broken. It's fine now. Weird.

love mode feat. m-flo; clazziquai

See, I'd be listening to Tachibana's Friend, but I didn't get online yesterday (for the past 2 days, anyway) and I'd have the PV on my iPod, too. That song is actually pretty nice, it's going to grow on me like Michishirube did. Sorry for the long absence. I've just been really lazy, I think. It feels weird blogging at school; it seems like I haven't learned my lesson yet.

My report card was fine, actually. I got all As, but yeah, it's okay. I have other circumstances to consider, but I'll worry about those later. And tell you guys later, too. I need to rant my worries away.

I've been having okay days, okay week. Nothing exciting, really. I've got a weekend of work to look forward to as well. I'd love to go to the party at OLM this weekend, but too much work. I'm not up for a party anyway, though some filipino food sounds awfully nice.

Ryuichi's 'girlfriend' is amazing. HAHA, his bass guitar. Geek, you're cute. Oh, and Jaimie! Congratulations for getting accepted into HTHS! The 'incoming freshmen' are coming in next week, haha. It makes me remember last year; but we came in on the 25th last year and I missed the last full day of eighth grade. Ah, damn.

I've gotten into the habit of sleeping whenever I'm bored or feeling down. Consequently, I waste so much time that I could have used to do homework. Oh well. I think it's okay, but I'm still really tired.

Speaking of being tired, today is dragging and making me even more tired. It's raining, and even though I love the rain, looking outside makes me feel really melancholy. I wanna go home~

Bell's about to ring in a few minutes; I'll be home late because of chorus practice and then I'll try and relax for the rest of the day. Hopefully.

damn confused.

wake me up; norah jones

I'm getting my damn report card in a few hours. I'm terrified. I'm going to sleep, and no one is waking me up until midnight. Hopefully.

Indulging in fics really does make me melancholy inside. It hurts there, and it hasn't hurt there since the last time I watched a horribly, horribly sad thing. Sunday? Uh. other movie? It hurts.

Um.

tiiiiirrrrrrrreddddddddd.

snoring and whatnot. and me not trying to squeak loudly.
[last wednesday; first free. i keep stealing pictures from rob's phone; sorry! i look decent? mmm, nah.]

Ohohoho. I was here earlier, but of course~ And there's still nobody to talk to online, why in the heck is everyone sleeping? (whatever, i'll sleep in the bus.) I shouldn't be awake right now~

I still am as tired as I was earlier. I have never 'worked' from 9am-3pm (school day, yes.) so hard. Earth Day was so tiring, but ah, whatever, it paid off. My voice is shot somewhat from yelling at a group of people. I swear to god, I don't get into things like this. LOLL, I need to be loud. Yeah, different from the usual "stuttering-i'll-talk-softly-now-because-i-don't-know-you-or-i'm-really-damn-nervous-kthx." That's how I usually am. I think.

Anyway. Watching people go crazy with the pinatas was priceless. I mean, once they were broken, I didn't see them anymore. So many people were wearing them on their heads today. There was plaster in some of them, I bet you breathed it in. Aha.

Sarah won a fish. Good freaking god, I want a fish. It's really sad how pets who are in the pet store for such a long time are used to people giving them food. Connie and I were playing with Alex's fish, and we were pretending we were feeding it, and it kept coming up to the top. It's really sad; to me anyway. I'm just happy that it didn't die out of nowhere; we kept picking the bag up. Sushi's cute, though. (Oh, wait. Sushi. Fish. HA. stfu, I am slow.)

I got henna. It's on both of my hands, wrists, arms, haha. I stared at it for a good long time just wondering why I got it in the first place. It looks cool, but my skin is sensitive and uh. OOPS. It was all weird earlier, but I'm fine now. The one Java did looks so cool~ I'm just trying to get used to the fact that they're on my hands.

That ice cream made with liquid nitrogen was amazing. I'm considering becoming a chemical engineer now, seriously. I'm more of a greek now~ Ah, I wish I had taken a picture. But yeah, I stole a lot of ice cream.

Well, the day was fine. I'm just so relieved that I actually got through it. I was counting periods, not hours. It was like, once the pinata was hit, next period, etc. I stole candy and food and tickets, too. Ah, hey, I was working. And people just came to our booth and took candy. it was fine, we had so much. I kept eating the chocolate, too. I barely ate lunch, I just kept stealing food. Day was a blur of waiting, questions, wandering, announcing, yelling, laughing. The 411 came over and they got me yelling. Wonderful. Wonder if they're going to include it?

But the question of the day was: "Okay, why are we hitting the earth if we're trying to save it?" And other variations to it. I love fudging answers.

The weather recently; it's like the middle of July, damnit. Monday was nice, but so hot. I had a really thick H&M sweater, and I ended up rolling up my sweats and wearing my gym shirt. I'm telling you, it's July weather. I wore my cut-offs to school, good lord.

I've got nothing else to say. Just a pile of omgwhat?! because even though he says he woke up late for a photoshoot, this is the hottest he's been in months. thanks kid, you're adorable.

I'll be all off and yeah for the next few weeks, I guess. I have to work myself out of this hole I put myself into. It was nice last night. Bestie called me at midnight, and we talked for an hour? There were awkward silences which made me awfully sad, so. Still miss her a lot.

Ah, I guess I'll go finish up and try to sleep. It's still too hot.

are we destined for greatness, or madness?

a perfect day for love declaration; younha

I'm going to rave my head off. And, no, Rob and Sarah, not about damn gravy...maybe a little. I watched Hair, our school's musical production for 2007. I was, and still am awed. A little in a daze, too. Our Musical Theatre group is amazing, I can't even put it into words. They've all got this huge, huge bond with each other.

My sentimental feelings aside for now, I'll get on with the day.

We got there about an hour and a half early, so we ventured to Target and bought drinks at the Starbucks inside. I still feel awfully guilty about Rob's dad spending money on us. Got back in time to get one extra ticket and some decent seats. Hey, three rows back with two on level floor in front of us isn't bad, it's great. Since it was the benefit show, we got goody bags. Still wish we got CDs, I'd love to be listening to some of the songs right now. Can't complain. Oh, and the hallway! Blacklights, and graffiti, and missing signs. It was so amazing, I got lost in everything. Once the show started, I was glued to my seat. Their acting is amazing, it's so hard for me to believe that those are the same people that I see in the hallways every Monday to Friday. Their interpretation was meant for everyone to take it a different way, so I did. (Oh, I think shallowly. Eh. Help.)

I didn’t expect it to start out at a mental institution. (I know it sounds weird, but you had to be there.) They all portrayed their characters amazingly, and I really didn’t expect the voices out of some of them.

Let’s see: Ben’s amazing, his sobbing and singing really does get to you; Graham’s adorable, “I BELIEVE IN GOD. GOD BELIEVES IN CLAUDE.”; Caroline can belt, amazing voice; Carlos and Mick Jagger, priceless; Nia’s voice is amazing, and the shirt twisting, aha; Ruby can scream and dance…with Nick. Priicelesssssss.; Nick is freaking adorable, and I saw L in him. From deathnote.; Ariane makes a good nurse. “GWB, IRT, USA.”; Jayson liked that, he knows it. AHHHAHAHA.; Ariel’s hair was amazing and she can really, really reach high notes. Ohoho.; Aliya played her part so well. The face mask was just LOLL.; Sam = FLUSHING. Not Manchester. AHA.; Danielle just came out of nowhere in the audience, oh haha; Josie really likes chocolate.

I just had to laugh whenever Jesus or God popped up. “I bless you, in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost.” It’s so funny~ I really can’t explain everything, I want to watch it one more time so that everything just sinks in for sure, and I can be satisfied with it. But, at the end. I cried, or at least, tried to hold all the tears in. With a stage full of actors and actresses in front of me crying, I couldn’t help it. They’re just amazing, and they should have really sung that song to Alex. I wish I actually had the nerve to go up to every single member of MT and congratulate them. I gave a hug to Ben and Nick and Jayson. Mmm, they all did so well! I still feel bad for not doing that, I’m not a very friendly person, am I?

This is slowly going to dissolve from happy ranting to uh, ranting. Mind you.

Friday, I ended up blurting out everything to my mom. Not everything, but how I’ve been feeling, and she suspects that I’m depressed. What a coincidence, so do I! I’d love to be overflowing with sarcasm right now, but I’m not. She made me sleep instead of doing homework, and I woke up at 3 am. Meant to use the laptop, but got yelled at and just went to sleep thirty minutes later. That Saturday was good, I actually did well in piano. For once. It also seems that we’re getting the kitchen done, too. Oh well.I don’t like the way I’ve been feeling recently, and I feel as if I can’t control it anymore. It’s like once minute, I’m fine, next, I’m just down and feel like sleeping. (Like earlier, sorry.) I’ve taken to sleeping as a temporary relief from my problems. But I’m really starting to feel it, and it’s getting me down so much. I don’t know, it’s like I’d rather be in my room than outside with my friends. Really don’t know what to do with myself anymore, and I feel like I’m losing it.

Ah, it seems as my life is right out of a cliché teen novel, or something of the sort. How wonderful.

Right now, I’m looking for temporary relief. Like Saturday. Because I told my mom all of that, she suggested that the three of us get away from work and just go to the park. My dad brought his camera, and I took so many pictures. I know that I’m not skilled at photography, but I went off anyway. I like the ones of the sunset with the plane right over the orange sun the most. I really do. I think my dad was annoyed that I couldn’t get it right. I wish I brought the camera to Hair, too.

For me, I think it’ll be madness. For now.

finally, at school.

talking. algebra discussing. oh, and awakening emotion pv; wentz.

I like this room. Partly due to the fact that there are new, shiny computers. Aesthetically pleasing, yes. And I can plug my headphones into it, go onto Ryohei's blog, and giggle madly at him dancing. Or something to that extent. He's "opening up." He should go to Tokyo Uni if he wants to, but still. I never knew that those three were so busy with work. I hope they're able to keep their blogs longer, I really do enjoy reading them. He blogged twice today, and I still want to read it.

My fangirling aside~

Algebra I, you fail. I am really bad at exponents, and uh, I'm supposed to be good at math. Shoot me, loser, I love math. And I was good at it, so uh. Why am I not getting this?! It'll take time, I guess. Just irked that I learned this in Kumon a good 2 years or so ago, and I really, really can't remember it. I think I'll do over one of the other problems.

I'm having problems again. Yeah, er. Er. I'll have to think myself over again and other people and things and uh.

hwaiting.

yet again.

Life, you're confusing me again.

Everything horrible and bad and not-pleasant (vocabulary is not functioning. please check back later.) is happening now, and why? I sat on my bed earlier and wondered while I was on the phone with bestie.

If you really, really do contemplate it, you'll never know what will happen in the future. I myself have to learn how to live in the present, not the past, nor the future.

On to something else, Super Junior~ Pull through, all of you. Why are you guys going through so much bullshit when you're such amazing people? I mean, really. Heechul, those antis suck. I'm happy that Shindong, Eeteuk, and Eunhyuk are relatively okay, if not fully recovered. But, Kyuhyun, I'm praying for you. Hold on, even though you're still in the hospital, and as much as I hate to say it, in the worst condition. Ah, you guys, we're praying for you! I just really got into Super Junior over spring break, and yeah. This is really...I'll keep checking my livejournal for more news, I'm really worried.

Ah, and Virginia Tech. Everyone knows about it by now, I won't go into it. Just appalling. I just heaved a huge sigh right now. Huge, weird weight on my chest.

Hey, it's like Hair, the musical that's being performed at our school now. Where's the love, huh?

SUJU! HWAITING~

Oh, were you wondering about my day? Delayed opening, Ryohei's video on his blog is cute. I commented it earlier last night. It feels so weird, but anyway. I listen to that song on my iPod, Give it to me. Really catchy. Ah, and he's finally confessed about his computer illiteracy. Cute kid.

Bus was really empty this morning, and I also stayed awake. Very surprising. Anna was giggling at KANJANI8's zukkoke otokomichi. Pretty, pretty colors, and boys in bucket hats, tank tops, and short shorts. I wandered around in the morning for a while, and even went to Rob's locker. Yeah, I should have left a note or something. At breakfast, Liz pointed to a muffin Krasti was eating, and said, "I've never eaten one of those bagels~" I asked her why in the world she said bagel, and she went, "...Uhhh, Muggle!" Hi, Harry Potter fandom. We tried putting 'muffin' and 'bagel' together as one word. "Buffin~"

I've been doing earth day work so much, oh boy. Algebra killed me, I'm sorry to say. I'm getting even more down. I didn't finish that worksheet! Exponents, you will meet your death. In English, I was perusing through the vocabulary book and I discovered an interesting essay on hangers. Seriously, it describes the evils of hangers and how they plot to wrinkle your clothes. As hilarious as it is, it's really well written.

I watched the video during drama; we were in the media center. Kuya did a post-it how-to. Really interesting, I liked it a lot. I found Rob and Sarah after 9th around my locker. Yeah, they covered my hallway for Hair. Oh well.

Everyone seems so interested in the pinatas. We were going to try and break one in Archaeology, but then Anna stepped on it. Oh well, it was okay anyway. We're almost done, I'm really, really happy.

I think I might go to sleep soon. HWAITING~!

something to talk about.

My iPod's on shuffle. I don't really listen to those kinds of songs, but everything's on my iPod for some reason. I guess with 2,300 something songs, I should put it on shuffle. w-inds. came up three times in a row, aha.

I don't like being missing from blogging, or however you interpret that from my horrible "i-just-woke-up" grammar. I haven't been properly on the internet since Monday. Yesterday, I just slept. I meant to get up, but I didn't. My mom woke me up asking if I went on the computer, and I didn't. Whyyy~ How am I going to blog and catch up in about two hours? Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, too. I slept before I even opened my History notebook and while I had the intention to study on the bus, I still slept. I might sleep later on the bus, too. And with that test, I think I got an 85-90. I need at least a 90. I need to work hard this marking period. And still, OLM comes back with my goal of last year. Why did I mess up once? Oh but anyway. yesterday during free, Kuya, Rob, Vanessa, and I were throwing paper balls at each other. Apparently, I'm an easy target.

I'm being really clumsy lately. On Tuesday, I fell up the stairs twice. Once at school and once at home. Mind you, I was just walking at home. And I tripped again Wednesday getting on the bus, and then I hit myself in the head with the tennis racket while I was serving. At least nobody saw that. Oh, but it hurt. My body's been randomly hurting at times, too. This sucks.

OH. American Idol last night, I was watching with my parents. In my room. (Why were they in my room? Guh.) Sanjaya got out, and I'm kind of relieved yet sad at the same time. I liked watching American Idol to see what would happen with him next. It can't be helped, I guess. I'll just miss watching for that.

Earth Day's next week. Yesterday, we spent a good 2 hours after school with the pinatas. it's interesting to work with people. It always happens when you kind of work in groups that you find out how certain people get annoyed. There goes my bad grammar. I really don't know how to say that.

I have nobody to bother today in school. Rob and Sarah are going to watch a brain surgery. Oh, that's freaking cool, I want to go. Why didn't I take anatomy? Maybe next year, but still. I don't know what to take at all. Note to self, remember to call when you get home late. I was outside, a good 3 steps from my house, talking to my neighbors about High Tech, and I came home around 6:50? We got back at 6:30 because of Hair. I heard that was good, I can't wait to watch it on Sunday (providing I get a ride). Anyway, I get home and my parents hound me for not picking up my phone. Then, on cue, Sarah and Rob call checking to see if I got kidnapped or something similar to that. Sorry for that~

Algebra's got me dead as of the moment. It's exponents and mulitplying and dividing, and uh, I kind of forgot. Now I have to re-memorize the laws and rules and guh. I want Kumon back for the sake of that now. And then we're going to do factoring and OHHHOO. *math geek* I need to pay for my drama sweatshirt today. (My wallet is dying.) It's going to say 'Emmylou' on the sleeve. I can use my middle name now for something, when I used to hate it all the time. I finally get a High Tech sweatshirt! Even though I do want one from dance, and if I stayed in Judo, I'd have one of those, too. I'm non-committal! That's bad. And I'm terrified for drama, I can't just get up in front of people and act. I seriously have a big problem with that. That's when I get overly shy and yeah. Save me?

I haven't heard anything new from my fandom since Monday. I'm really bored. Aside from the fact that I'm happy that Ryohei and Ryuichi are alive on their blogs (Keita, I gave up on you. Well, no, but still.). Ryohei's picture is cute. I was staring at the tags for a good while, going, "大学？何"　College? What? Oh ho, and Ryu's cute. He has to eat more than once a day, and he's addicted to his laptop. Cute~ (That's me during break.)

Speaking of that, I overloaded my Japanese test yesterday with kanji. Oh, my hand hurt. I had to squish them into a tiny little line that's okay for kana, but not for huge kanji. (I don't even think I'm writing them right. Ahhhhh~)

Recently, I've been feeling really down and stuff. I don't like the feeling. I was talking to my mom last night, and I told her that I hate being complimented now because it make my ego huge. I hate that, so I'm basically not listening when people have something good to say, if anything. I'm confused. And what with my body being really stupid recently. My neck still hurts, and now I get headaches. I'll stop. I'll pick up the phone later if bestie calls me, I want to talk to her~ She called me three times yesterday, and I didn't pick up because I didn't see it ringing, or I was sleeping. Sorry~

To the Virginia Tech shootings, that was really sad, and if you know about it, well yeah. I hope everything's okay with them, even though I know it's going to take a while to recover. And the Super Junior members who got hurt in the car accident, please get better! Especially Kyuhyun, I can't believe he's in the worst condition. Get better~!

What else before I have to go rush and do nothing for the extra 2 hours I'm home? Delayed openings are nice on days like this. It's been raining and raining for a while. I had no homework last night~ I'll go catch up now.

OHOHOO. バカバカバカバカバカ。I had too many tags, and that's why it wouldn't post. AHAHA. there goes 30 minutes.

blatantly avoiding sleep.

THANKS tour - ryohei's dance lesson. no, seriously.

Somewhat really mad that I can't put it on my iPod, stupid clip. I should have ripped the DVD all of last week, both my Ageha and THANKS. Then I'd start watching like I used to in Algebra class, when I sat in the back. No, I didn't get moved for watching.

Fangirling put aside for now, I'm avoiding sleep at all costs. I slept from 5 - 8:45? again. And now I'm just tired all over again, why is that? In school, I'm not going to concentrate and yeah. We probably have an outline for History due next week, too. I woke up to my parents going, "Good Morning~" while they were watching 'Dancing with the Stars.' Reality show addicts. They watch American Idol weekly, too. I don't even do that. I had a sandwich for dinner, and I finished my laundry. At 10:30. Handwashed. I'm such an old-fashioned filipino.

Oh, that reminded me. I started 'You are the One,' with Toni Gonzaga and Sam Milby. It's really cute, but my internet decided not to cooperate as usual and I got only 1/4 of the way done. But I'm accomplished; I made fans of ただ、君を愛してる. Now who doesn't love love stories? I think I'm going to try and make it a habit to watch more dramas and movies. I keep saying that!

My ears are crooked. My left ear hurts because of my glasses. Dah. I added 174 new songs on my iPod at one time. I'd have more. Ohh, I want my KAT-TUN and TRAX. Stupid connection.

I accomplished no homework today, but a little studying. Global grade, you're not going to die th last marking period. I just have to make it for two more months. I can do it, right?

I'll go back to avoiding sleep and avoiding trouble now. I slept at 2 AM last night rewatching ただ、君を愛してる; let's see what time I sleep tonight.
　

utter relifef.

love me after 12 am; m-flo loves alex

OHOHOHOHOHO. There's no school today. I guess the rain was so torrential that it flooded. It flooded a lot of other places in the area, too. I have another day to do nothing but relax. It feels so good, thank god.

I woke up at 6 to my dad bothering me about school. Then I stayed awake. I was talking to Rob on the phone for a good 40 minutes because I called him to ask if school was really closed. People keep asking me now, too. It's kind of unbelievable because we just had spring break. But it feels so nice. I'm staying in bed and nobody's stopping me.

I think I broke my camera. The memory card's being weird. I think I know what I did. Damn. I'm so bad with electronics.

I was reading Ryuichi's blog. they only have a month left for their blogs, no. I like reading them, or at least waiting for people to translate it. I like Ryuichi's a lot. He's so perceptive and stuff. Keita barely posts, and Ryohei writes about random things about his day and yeah. Why was it only three months?

I'm coughing again. Ah, it hurts.

I was just thinking. Like, looking at my old friends' myspaces and whatever, that we've totally drifted apart. At least, I have, but it was always like that. I never was as close to them as they were to each other. I was just there with them. Now I don't know what to make of it, so I guess I've just let go permanently. At least I've got the people I have now, but I'm still scared. I know, with my old friends, we're going to be horribly cordial and polite and "AH, I MISS YOU!" to each other.

They never really knew me. Anyways, nobody really did from my old school exept for a few people. Some of the few people that wanted to invite me along to what they did outside of school.
Time does a lot of things to people, doesn't it? It's pretty scary.

suddenly.

love me; yiruma

All of a sudden, I feel really sad. More than 20 minutes ago when it was still raining. A car just passed by.

I signed on to aim and msn. Nobody was on, and I wanted to talk to someone. Or rather, people were on away or busy or I really can't converse with someone I don't know anything about. I still want to talk.

What a pleasant way to start off a Monday. I have the undying urge to spam this post with sad smileys, but I'm holding off.

I think I got it.

rain, rain, rain.

renai shashin; otsuka ai

It’s raining again. Really hard since this morning. When I woke up around 7-ish, it had kind of stopped, but hey. I’m going to hate walking to the bus stop tomorrow morning. Speaking of that, I really don’t want to go back to school. My history notebook and Japanese textbook are mocking me. At least I reviewed Japanese, but history. Hate history. I really don’t care whether this or that happened, god forbid I get a job later in life where I’ll need to know history. Watch, I will. (Why does this lead on to my Harry Potter reading addiction? Oh boy.)

The rain. It’s making me just want to crawl under the covers and sleep. I’ve been sleeping a lot recently, and instead of making me feel better, it’s having an adverse reaction. I look so tired. Does it help that I’m sitting on my bed right now? Notebook’s still mocking me.

I want to watch Close to You again. Overly cliché but romantic Filipino movies make me feel so good inside. Yes, I know it’s a year or so late, but still. I love the internet. I need another week off. It’s like my friends planning to all skip one day of school together. I wouldn’t, but that’s just me. I hate how whenever I miss something at school, it’s always something good. I missed my last full day of eighth grade, and that was the day where all the teachers and my classmates were so, so sentimental. I would have cried if I was there, but I was at High Tech instead. Ah, whatever.

Maybe if I look at it for a few minutes, something will sink in? Stress, stress. Two tests Wednesday and Earth Day next week. Ohh, I want to stay at home. I need a week…or two. Or a month. I want to get away again.

I feel so melancholy. Gah. Blankettttt. And I’m making a strong effort not to fangirl, but what is there to? Need to resist the urge, though. Eh.

FORGET ITTT. Don’t let me read Ryohei’s blog and not say I’m not going to say anything. So cute and works so hard, but he gets sick so easily and guh. Aha, I’ll stop now.

My new glasses keep falling off my face. And they leave a red mark on the bridge of my nose when I take them off. I thought they wouldn’t leave a mark at all. It’s going to take me a while to get used to these because I was walking in Pathmark yesterday, and everything was all crooked and looked funny. I think it’s my new glasses. I’m thinking that I should bring along my old ones just in case, but then what would be the reason of getting a new pair, then? I’m still trying to get used to my face in them; they ‘pop’ and are so showy because I’m really pale. Ahh.

Acoustic music is really pretty. I decided to put my iPod on shuffle earlier, and it stumbled over ‘Lovers Again,’ an EXILE song. J-music, yeah but still. So nice. And I was about to listen to ‘Boston’ by Augustana, but I’m listening to ‘Angels’ instead. What the heck, it’s so nice. I should put my iPod on shuffle more often, I turned it off when ‘Special Thanx!’ came on because I started singing to it. And stopped studying along with that. Ahaha. I’m such a fangirl.

I just thought. There’s this stupid storm today. There’s this tiny, tiny hope that school will be canceled? Come on, please.

Good hour after I've written this on Word. Why am I not as deep-thinking anymore? Oh, but I get so lost easily. How do you blank out while walking in the city? I crashed straight into a guy because I spaced out. Knew where I was walking, but still. Ah.

Never mind.

looking through a new frame.

d-technolife; UVERworld (mark's ipod; mine is downstairs)

Last few days were nice. Friday in the city after a bad morning. I love big cities. Saturday. I'm starting to dislike piano a lot now. I'm pining to go to that dance class Mike invited me to. Mmm, hip hop. And napping, trying to work with heelys outside and clinging on to bestie, and overdosing on video games.

I'm sleepy. School starts over on Monday. I am going to freaking implode. I want to stay home, our next long, long break is going to be summer. For two months. Ohh, no. I want my two months and a half back. Mark's sleepy, too.

Oh, and, I got new glasses. They're Vogue, plastic and blue. It took me so long to choose between the orangey-red ones, and these blue/somewhat purple ones. Oh well, I'm all blue and shiny now. Aha.

So tired.

stubborn.

perfect; simple plan

These are the days when I start to hate myself all over again. I've been feeling this resounding sense of loneliness, and I don't know why.

Uh, thank you. Yeah, er, you know who you are, even though you don't know or don't come here to read this blog. Thank you, I love you. I think I'd die if you left me. That one relationship that I have is the closest thing I know to love outside of my family. I hope no one takes offense. And that is not meant in another way then how it's written. I guess I'm just lucky. Though it's funny, I totally don't deserve it at all because I'm a bad friend. I think I need your motivation.

Hey, self? It's probably the umpteenth time I'd say this, but I need to get you in order. And of course, being me, it won't go through because I can't. Or am not motivated. Nanay points that out every now and then, "You're not motivated. What do you want to do, get all kinds of medical problems or something?" That's how it sounds to me.

I hate disappointing people. It makes me feel worse than I already do.

Back under the covers. iPod's on max volume, I'm going to deafen all the hurt away.

Drop the pride and drop the act. I don't know how to change myself, but I need to.

flour + water + balloons + three kids = the good kind of insanity.

milky way; w-inds. (in love with this song again. ohh~)
/:

Yeah, er, to start with, I expect these scans to be floating around the internet by next week. Yey. Freaking -.

I went over to ily's house to work on Earth Day stuff. We walked to Walgreen's first, bought flour, balloons, candy, ramen. That yakisoba was mine, so good. We started when we got back. Let me tell you one thing; making pinatas yourself is horrible. Especially with her, her brother, Joseph, and me laughing and being stupid. We hung them off the ceiling with paper clips and string. Her dad's face when he saw it was just, haha. Their house is so lively, mine is always quiet. Ah, these are the few, few days when I wish I had a sibling. I'm a "yeah, used to being in the house alone a lot" kind of person. Anyway, we got work done, and they're drying in her kitchen right now. Oh, I found out that the two of them, at least ily, are candy addicted. Ah, it's scary. I cant eat too many sweets, or I feel like I'm going to implode. I almost bit someone's finger, too...don't ask; my hands were full of sticky flour and glue. Ew.

We were supposed to do the banner afterwards, but we ended up playing Mario Party 5. I love gamecube, I forgot how much I loved it. I used to be able to buttonmash (spam, haha.) so well. That's what I get for not playing video games in a long while. Anyway, it goes to show that I'm really, horribly bad at minigames. Even though I do love them. I won a good three or four. We worked on the poster a little bit, ily drew stuff. Thank you~ And I made a little...er, choc? Thing. Yeah..uh. I named it リョウヘイ。Whee, it's a bear. So cute. At least it didn't try swimming.

I'm not going to New York tomorrow. This sucks, and another time to mark off to remember why I should never ask my parents to go anywhere. Bah.

I hurt, really. My body is just going against me, and everytime I get up, the room starts spinning. This sucks. Work, work. Still have some stuff to finish. Oh, you memory card. Damn you.

G'night.

デキマシタ～！

hana yori dango; episode 4

Finally! Okay, so, if you want scans of Ryohei's recent two solo magazines, here you go! There all stored on my imageshack account, and you can go access it. :)

Finally! Okay, so, if you want scans of Ryohei's recent two solo magazines, here you go! There all stored on my imageshack account, and you can go access it. :) It's COOL-UP and Men's Preppy. :3



Just credit me, please, if you use them. sparkling.rain @ blogspot chychaai @ livejournal, whatever. Share, enjoy!

http://profile.imageshack.us/user/chychaai/images/

雨。

lee seung gi (see, i can't read korean.)

I awoke to rain falling outside my window at about 5 in the morning. It hasn't rained in a while, and shows no sign of stopping. I'm just kind of surprised, it's raining. I feel like sitting on my front steps with no umbrella. I'd get sick, though. I feel sort of sick already. That's what it looks like from my steps. Wet.

Stayed up until 2-ish last night. Ah, nice. So, today, I have to scan this thing. If I don't get lazy, which would be awfully nice. I've gotten closer, I think, to Ingrid and Pache. Why does fangirling always do that to me, ha. I'm still really tired, though.

I want to be as much a lucky fangirl as other people are. I guess I have to work for what I want. but when do you not?

Now what?

kingdom hearts, a fifth grader, and a kid at heart.

chris daughtry; it's not over mark fanboying KH2: final mix keyboard clacking

OKAY UH WE FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE THE INTERNET ON A WII. I IS HAPPY. Really happy that I'm fangirling KH2: Final Mix, and totally anticipating its release. They're talking in Japanese, and I'm floating. He's so much better at video games than I am; he beat it in 12 hours. Flat. And uh, 41 hours in total because he does everything else. I didn't finish it. GUH, I was in the middle of doing the final battle, around the third stage, and then I had to turn it off. I'm so fangirling Kingdom Hearts. I'm really bad at playing, but I miss it. I feel so giddy; a fifth grader is telling me everything that I need to know about it. As always.

I love Kingdom Hearts. The storyline hooked me like whoa. I haven't gotten so into Final Fantasy, and I did for a while because I'm borrowing (and have had, sorry!) FFX and FFX-II from ily. I played it for a good 6 hours straight. Felt so good.

I feel so carefree and video games, video games, mindless video games! It's so cool because we have wireless internet on a Wii, and I can use crunchyroll on the tv. That is the best, I swear to god. Happy, so happy, I wish I had a Wii. But he won't let me use it, oh well. Scratch that, I just watched a bit of Hanadan II on tv. asdghfhj; Amazing. And we're playing with the weather now. So cool.

I feel like w-inds. when they fanboy their video games. Especially Ryohei. Darn fanboy, you're cute. And get a blogger, they have it in Japanese. I feel good. I like spring break. Oh, and I hope that I get to go to NY this Friday.

SANJAYA. I love you, but please, why did Haley get out. I'm sad. That's my laptop. And Mark. And the Wii internet. Ohhh, heaven.

On an end note, I love this kid. He looked at the batteries that's he's replacing his Wii remote with, and he went, "HEY. These batteries expire until 2014! I'm going to be 17 then!" That's a scary thought. I'd be 21. Haha.

Mmm, food. I just had dinner with the three of them, too. It feels nice; I love having them as tenants. And we might watch Happy Feet right now. Oh gosh, yey. They're close, and they go on trips together, too. It's so homely, it's good. And this kid is like my little brother, too. Haha.

lazy-ing~

keyboard clacking;

NO. NOBODY KNOWS WAS AN AWESOME MOVIE. Go watch it. Asian countries really do make the best movies, in my opinion. It's really heartbreaking and real, too. Not like a fragmented piece of fiction that makes you despise or madly love some of the characters. That made no sense; but yeah. It's just right. And guh, based on true events. The real story is much sadder.

So. 6 hours later, got none of my work done. Typical me, typical. Why procrastinate. WHYY.

bliss, with a touch of worry.

j-movie; Nobody Knows

Been wanting to watch this movie. We were supposed to watch it in school, but didn't yet. It seems really sad. There are four kids who just moved into a new apartment, and the landlord thinks that the mom only has one. So then, the mom leaves and they have to take care of themselves. At least, that's what it said on the back cover of the DVD in school. I'm pretty happy. Movie/drama marathon yesterday, today, tommorow. I'll make it two a day until the end of break.

Okay, so today, I've got some work to do. Not very pleasant to know, but hey. Study Japanese, study global history, scan a magazine(s?), and work on the critique. I really don't want to.

Was looking at ily's blog. Yesterday, we were, er, high. Haha, but anyway. I like looking at pictures of when I was little. Those baby "wtf?!" faces I always made are funny. I was so cute. Now what?

I guess work, movie, and chinese food now. It feels good to be home alone. I'm such a loner, eh.

ただ、君を愛してる。

renai shashin; otsuka ai

I just finished watching this J-movie. Oh, lord. What the heck, it's so nice. I feel like crying so much, I kind of wish I did. Love, you're being so undoubtfully mean to me today. Please go watch it! (I feel like Ryohei telling everyone to buy the manga he reads. He's really cute.) But really, it's so nice and touching. I'm just mulling all of it over while repeating renai shashin. So speechless. Love is so strong in these sorts of things, guh. (Okay, now I really feel like him.) More J-movies, more!

I love taking pictures. I remember when I was five, and my dad told me to become a photojournalist. He has all the cameras in the world to use. I love holding one in my hand; those big Canons/Nikons. It's nice to know that you can capture something of your life and treasure it forever. Maybe one thing will go through with my life.

I'm on a roll with blogs today. I feel somewhat pieced together now. Better than earlier, for sure. Oh, and I feel really accomplished. Not work-wise, of course. I finished the whole of Boys and Girls so far. Ganbatte, Akiko!

was reminiscing.

begin (acapella); TVXQ
trying to finish reading; boys and girls.

I was thinking. I remember when I was in fifth grade, I think it was. Summer camp. Why do I remember this like it was yesterday?

Uh. Bunch of friends and I were hanging out in the park on the swings across the camp. With the guy that I liked at the time. Mmm, I remember we started talking about crushes and stuff. He tried to get me to tell him. With little threats of, "I'M GOING TO RUN AROUND THE PARK WITH MY SHIRT OFF SCREAMING IF YOU DON'T TELL ME."

...yeah. So, I lied, told him anyway. I still remember the look on his face. A mixture of wtf?! and really?! Then he said, "But no one has ever liked me..."

Know what I said? "SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT." And all he did was smile and shake his head.

...ER. I always love looking back on that. I miss him. I know it's random. I remember the only reason why I went back to camp years after that was in the hope that I'd see him again. The year after that, he never came back.

I cried for a good hour the last day of camp when I got home because I knew I'd never get to talk to him again. I still think that he was the one that was calling me months after. I should have picked up the phone.

There's a chunk of me you never knew about, huh? Stupid fifth grader. Reading brings back memories.

i'm jaded.

lost in my own house.

yuki no tsubasa; redballoon

I feel like a bum. Still in sweats and I'm in my kitchen right now. So far, I haven't accomplished anything. I can't think of any dramas to watch. Uh, that critique won't get done until later, either.

I woke up at 7:30, talked on msn for a good long while, and ate ramen. I've got a really long fanfic to read because...I should?

*headdesk* Everyone's going to the mall today. I'm fine, I guess I'll stay home. Already home anyway. I really have to get that critique done today, though. I can't find the guideline paper, which is really bad. I'll just use my old critiques as a guideline. Hopefully, that'll work. Guess I'll sleep later. I have to scan Cool-Up, too; without killing the binding. ):

I still feel like a mess. My brain is blatantly refusing to work properly. Body is complaining of the pain and of being worn out. I need a getaway.

drowsy.

message; w-inds.

I managed not to splurge today. Got back home with May Junon, manga, headbands, pictures of a giraffe made out of leaves, and achy feet. Giraffe from Macy's annual flower show, and the ache from being tired while walking in New York. You guys, I swear, you're going back Friday?

And tomorrow, they're going to the mall. I told myself that I was going to stay home and watch dramas and do homework. I think I'll do just that. I want and need a few days to be lazy.

I need to sort myself out. I feel like a puzzle that hasn't been put together. This sucks.

out for a little walk.

boogie woogie 66; w-inds.

Not been on the computer for the weekend and I feel dead. Oh well; I'm going out today to New York. I have an appointment and such. Hopefully, I can go to Kinokuniya and/or Asahiya and not spend money at all. Guh.

I'm not really a morning person. I've been sleeping whenever I'm on my bed for the past three days, and I feel so tired. It's not even funny how tired I feel, it sucks. Guh, so much unchanneled? energy and hyperactivity. I need to do something.

Spring break! I'm happy. (:

past midnight dreaming.

kurumi; Mr. Children

I don't think I've prayed so hard in my whole life. I love you, please don't do anything stupid. Really.

I took a 30 minute shower and my hair dried straight for the most part. Huh. Change is good. And I was just thinking a few minutes before I'm here typing right now that I want to go to the park over break. Maybe walk to Bayonne or something and go on that hill I always go to. Or that little part near the bay that I discovered while wandering. It's pretty. I want to sit there for a good few hours and do nothing, nothing at all.

I want the wind in my face and the sun. I'm feeling so freaking melancholy, yet so relaxed and alright at the same time. It's a weird feeling. And I just spent the last 3 hours fangirling over nothing with ing and pache. Remind me, 5 or 6 more fandoms to immerse myself into. One is hard, let's see how I hold up.

I'll miss school for a week. I'd love the 'no homework!' thing back, just spend the day doing nothing but talking and laughing. I stopped and thought today, it's April. April. Two, three more months, and then I'm not a freshman anymore. How is this year going by so fast? I can still remember the first week of school so vividly.

I feel stupid. Utterly stupid. Heart, stop taking over mind. You're being irrational.

Who needs sleep when you have the internet in your room? And homework to do. ): Gah.
and yes, I really like this song.

the long-awaited relaxation.

live tour 2006 THANKS dvd; winds.

GLEEEEEEEEEE. Yesterday started my spring break! Well, when I got home, I just ate the last of my pork cutlet don from Mitsuwa, went on the computer, and slept. From 3pm - 12am, when my mom woke me up and we were talking for about 45 minutes. If she didn't, I think I would have slept so much longer. I was so tired, though! [like Ryohei on his blog; he's so cute~ ] From yesterday night, of course. That newspaper; at least Killeen liked it, I'm glad. Even though in reality, our newspaper had much less apparent information than the other ones. Ahhhh. Oh, and I went back to sleep around 3 am-ish, after folding stars again. I finished a whole pack again! Then woke up at 10 am. I've been watching since then.

I'm in my room. On the internet. That could only mean one thing; I have wireless internet. Finally, it's working because my dad bought a router. Here's to staying in my room for countless hours doing nothing. Yeyy.

I swear, I'll get my last week up sometime today. Once I get really awake and want to do something rather than sitting here and squealing over w-inds. Whole day for fangirling.

Uh. Homework. I think I'll be the only one attempting homework over break. I'm a geek, whoo. But before that, I'll try to finish this Vision Museum game thing.

shivering.

Planetarium; Otsuka Ai

Guess what; later I get to type out my week since Friday! Yeyy. Yesterday; Japanese field trip was amazing. My legs have never felt so dead, and I don't think I'll flail that much in a bookstore in a while. Depending if I go to one; my compulsive spending struck. The good thing, though! Journey, Ryohei's Cool-up solo shoot, April Junon, and Arena 37 special are all in my possession. Ohh, bliss. Thank goodness.

Body, you're messed up because you keep shaking every few minutes and trying to make me sick to my stomach. I think I already am. This sucks.

Finally almost done with the newspaper! I just have to make one more page and print it out. I predict that I'll be falling asleep in every class. I have a science test first period. Ohh, that's not right, and I've barely studied.

You'll see me making paper stars and origami over spring break. I think I'll add a few hundred to my 1,100 stars. ily reignited my love for them, ha.

Still shaking. Ow.

procrastination; pt. 3!

kurumi; mr. children

Okay, because, really, Mr. Children is a good group. I commend you, Keita and Ryohei! Speaking of those two, Tabs' and Jemz's fanclub report induced 14-year-old fangirling and distraction from the newspaper. What. I still want to go to Japan.

I am stressed out to the fullest, and I want to hit something. Really hard. This stupid project and me procrastinating. I liked what Mr. Killian said to me today, though:

"HIII TRISHA."
"HIIII." And then I frowned and slouched down in my seat.
"You okay? You look like one of those people that have just had it up to here with life, or school...or something. Well, don't worry, spring break is riight here, so hang on!"
"...okay~"
"HAHA, A word from Saint Scott." And then he made the sign of the cross.

Thank you. I've been feeling absolutely melancholy for the past few days, weeks, whatever. It's really starting to take its toll on me, too. I want break and days where I can just swing around in my computer chair and sing off-key to my iTunes blasting.

Tea ceremony tomorrow in New York with the whole Japanese I freshmen class. I'm going to choke on the tea, watch me. And then lunch and shopping at Mitsuwa after. I am determined to find Journey, I'm telling you! They have bw66, and Sanseido never has w-inds. singles.

So, uh, I swear I'll get Friday's trip up, along with tomorrow's. Just leave me some time to finish this project. I've still got a lot to say.

Spoken like a true fan, hm?

lord.

milky way; w-inds.

I'm feeling "eh" today. Plus, too lazy to blog. Sad to substitute this with a lame post. ): Friday was awfully nice, though. I like the beach. I like going places that are far away. Take me away on a trip, somebody! I want to go to Japan next week. Hee.

Eventually, I'll write for Friday. That field trip was fun. I felt as if I was on top of the world. at some points, I guess. Oh, and Starbucks, mm. Sandy Hook, freshmen, and a goal to get some science in. Goodness, amazing. Saturday was uncommendable, and today is full of procrastination, Palm Sunday mass, and Steak at Applebee's. Mmm, steak. I'm looking at this newpaper project with such remorse, I don't want to do it!

What was funny, though. On Friday, I banged my head on the corner of my desk and I started bawling and tears just came out. Huh. That was weird. I notice that when you're absolutely close to crying and you hurt yourself, everything comes out.

I want to make 1,000 stars again. For myself this time. It was nice making them in Ryohei's name, but they never did get to him. I didn't send them. For various resons, but whatever. Oh, life.