sleep deprivation

I don't know. Usually, the 'hm, I will stay up until 4 AM' thing usually works fine. It's kind of backfiring on me now, and I find that if I sleep earlier, I will get more tired. That is not a pleasant feeling at all.

School, freshman year at least, is over in two days. One, if you consider that today is Friday, but my days are measured by the times that I sleep and the times I wake up.

Recently, I have been okay. I think. I feel horribly naive, and I know that I am. It's sad and disturbing that I like it, but it feels wonderful not to worry. I am aware that there are things to be worried about, though. I just choose not to.

Ah, I am ignorant. Confession is just the beginning of self-discovery?

I have urges these days. On the one-hour-and-a-half long bus ride from school, I craved pears. I crave dance lessons in a studio in New York. I crave math problems to wrack my brain. I crave work. Yet, at the same time, I don't want it because I know it will just produce a lot of more stress for me.

Personal feelings at the moment aside, my day was nice. I forgot to bring my laptop, but it mollified my fangirling to some extent. Killeen gave us a paper to solve, with questions on it that said, "4 = Q in a G" Most of them I did not get, leading to an empowering feeling of idiocy. I swum with Jean and Riana again for our 54-minute gym period. Steven finally came in after much yelling and contemplation on where his teenage-level testosterone has gone. The rest of the guys (Fawzy, Kuya, Chris, Rob) came in the pool area out of boredom and curiosity. There was a feeling of satisfaction when they all said, "Aw, I wish I brought my trunks." All because you did not want to swim with a certain person. Then Chris cannonballed into the pool with his jean shorts on. Crazy. My ears also popped repeatedly from diving.

Rehearsal. Was long and tiring and boring. I apologize in advance for any people's ears I kill tomorrow, I am very sorry. Our song needs some working on, however. The ride home was long. I went upstairs and saw Tito Jimmy, Tita (what is her name), Natasha, and Brandon for the last time for a long time. They are moving to Arizona, and Mark is losing his friends that are his age. Family friends, cousins, whatever. I said good-bye to them early since I went downstairs, and I almost started crying. I hate good-byes. They seem so final and absolute, as if you will never see the person again. That feeling is one of such melancholy.

I really dislike my outfit for tomorrow. I do not know anymore.